[ god the tension feels palpable and john hates it. he doesn't like this part of a relationship changing. it feels dangerous, like whatever friendship they've managed to muster up might be lost because he thinks bucky is stupid hot. ]
Right, yeah. [ john feels too aware of his body as he steps past bucky into his room. it feels... weird. but at least he has a new cat to distract himself. john isn't a huge animal person, he doesn't see the point in them half the time but they are cute. ]
She's... adorable. [ john says with a smile, crouching down to hold out a hand for the cat to sniff. ]
[ It's tense, more than a little awkward, and also the strangest kind of thing, trying to figure out what's going on here. But this is good, right? Talking and all. It's supposed to be good.
Licorice sniffs at John's hand, then nuzzles against it, even pawing at him a little.]
[ john may not be a pet person but damn if he doesn't feel special when the cat nuzzles him. ok, maybe they aren't that useless. he smiles at licorice and pets her a few times before standing.
this is it. no more cat buffer. he has to look at bucky and say words. ok, he's looking at bucky. now he just has to... speak. say something. john stares at bucky, willing himself to fucking move or do something, anything. eventually the awkward tension seems to hit a point and john hasn't said anything in way too fucking long, fuck it: ] I like you a-and I think you're... the hottest man I've ever seen. Genuinely sometimes I get mad at how sharp your jaw is but it's not just your looks either; you're unwaveringly kind to people. Even when they don't deserve it. You care and it shows and you're still passionate about it despite everything you've had to suffer. It's... admirable.
[ john doesn't really know where all these words came from. he doesn't understand that he's said them until silence settles between them. then they're all he can hear on repeat. like an IDIOT. why did he say all that? it was weird. he made it weird. oh no. ]
[ John stands back up and Bucky knows this is it. His nervousness is probably very apparent, but so are John's. So hey, they're both in this together. He should know what to expect, but somehow he doesn't expect everything that follows. ]
...
[His mouth just hangs open for a moment before he closes it.]
I never... well I. Never imagined you felt that way about me. Not like that.
[ oh NO. he did fuck up. look at him, he's just standing there staring at him, like he's a crazy person. like john is the weirdest motherfucker to ever live and maybe he is! oh god, he's just word vomited on THE bucky barnes.
worse than that he just confessed to bucky that he was hot. john flexes his hands at his side, the only sign of his internal meltdown. he's not really sure what bucky means by that but it's better than silence. ]
I know we have a fucked up history and I know that I, uh, went off the deep end but... I've always respected you, Bucky. Even when you, rightfully, didn't trust me with Steve's legacy. It, uh, wasn't hard to connect the other dots. [ whatever that means, john's quickly dissociating from himself. ]
[ He doesn't mean for it to come off that way, he's just- shocked. A little shocked. It's still extremely hard for him to accept compliments, and that was a whole lot of them all at once.
He's melting down a little too. But he reels it in, because John is starting to look like he thinks he misspoke, and Bucky doesn't want that. Not at all. ]
I didn't know you then. I didn't- I couldn't. I was grieving and everything felt fucked up. But I know you now- and I'm real glad that I do. I'm- uh. Really glad that you told me all'a that too.
[ bucky mentions grief and he steps forward almost instinctively. because he knows grief and he knows how it sits in his chest and even though this all in the past and they were different people john still wants to offer comfort.
he stops himself from moving further though. there is still an awkward tension between them and bucky is still talking and john should be listening. oh fuck, what did he say? wait, what? did he just-- ] You are? I mean, yeah, I know you are because of... [ john gestures vaguely, like everything they went through is somewhere between them. ] But... you are? You want to?
[ he's not really making a ton of sense because the words just... don't seem to be clicking but john is still excited by them. by the hope they're true and they have to be because bucky isn't like that.
john steps closer and he's tentative about the way he reaches for bucky. he doesn't know where to put his hands despite having done this before. but touch is how john speaks, it's how he knows not to fuck up. he places a hand on bucky's waist and the other at his neck; slow, purposeful and gentle, giving bucky time to move. ]
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@endof_theline
[ god the tension feels palpable and john hates it. he doesn't like this part of a relationship changing. it feels dangerous, like whatever friendship they've managed to muster up might be lost because he thinks bucky is stupid hot. ]
Right, yeah. [ john feels too aware of his body as he steps past bucky into his room. it feels... weird. but at least he has a new cat to distract himself. john isn't a huge animal person, he doesn't see the point in them half the time but they are cute. ]
She's... adorable. [ john says with a smile, crouching down to hold out a hand for the cat to sniff. ]
Ty! ❤️
Licorice sniffs at John's hand, then nuzzles against it, even pawing at him a little.]
I think she likes you.
[That's.... a good segue, right?]
❤️
this is it. no more cat buffer. he has to look at bucky and say words. ok, he's looking at bucky. now he just has to... speak. say something. john stares at bucky, willing himself to fucking move or do something, anything. eventually the awkward tension seems to hit a point and john hasn't said anything in way too fucking long, fuck it: ] I like you a-and I think you're... the hottest man I've ever seen. Genuinely sometimes I get mad at how sharp your jaw is but it's not just your looks either; you're unwaveringly kind to people. Even when they don't deserve it. You care and it shows and you're still passionate about it despite everything you've had to suffer. It's... admirable.
[ john doesn't really know where all these words came from. he doesn't understand that he's said them until silence settles between them. then they're all he can hear on repeat. like an IDIOT. why did he say all that? it was weird. he made it weird. oh no. ]
rolls back in here
...
[His mouth just hangs open for a moment before he closes it.]
I never... well I. Never imagined you felt that way about me. Not like that.
no subject
worse than that he just confessed to bucky that he was hot. john flexes his hands at his side, the only sign of his internal meltdown. he's not really sure what bucky means by that but it's better than silence. ]
I know we have a fucked up history and I know that I, uh, went off the deep end but... I've always respected you, Bucky. Even when you, rightfully, didn't trust me with Steve's legacy. It, uh, wasn't hard to connect the other dots. [ whatever that means, john's quickly dissociating from himself. ]
no subject
He's melting down a little too. But he reels it in, because John is starting to look like he thinks he misspoke, and Bucky doesn't want that. Not at all. ]
I didn't know you then. I didn't- I couldn't. I was grieving and everything felt fucked up. But I know you now- and I'm real glad that I do. I'm- uh. Really glad that you told me all'a that too.
So. Do you wanna go out? On a date?
no subject
he stops himself from moving further though. there is still an awkward tension between them and bucky is still talking and john should be listening. oh fuck, what did he say? wait, what? did he just-- ] You are? I mean, yeah, I know you are because of... [ john gestures vaguely, like everything they went through is somewhere between them. ] But... you are? You want to?
[ he's not really making a ton of sense because the words just... don't seem to be clicking but john is still excited by them. by the hope they're true and they have to be because bucky isn't like that.
john steps closer and he's tentative about the way he reaches for bucky. he doesn't know where to put his hands despite having done this before. but touch is how john speaks, it's how he knows not to fuck up. he places a hand on bucky's waist and the other at his neck; slow, purposeful and gentle, giving bucky time to move. ]
Yeah, I do.