open post/overflow

[dimestore]

Comments

the hope is there

[counterstep]

I think it does
this might seem pointless to say since I'm not reciprocating your interest, but I'm not trying to mock you or anything

and don't sell yourself short, John
there's plenty to know and even what I do tells me there's someone really strong and kind underneath that wants to do good

[dimestore]

[ do you know how demoralizing it is to flirt with someone in any capacity only for them to just be nice to you? he'd rather bucky make fun of him at this point. ]

Honestly it would easier if you were

Sure I mean I'm not exactly the most boring man in the world but it's not anything to write home about

[counterstep]

surely you know by now that I'm not that sort of person

( he'd like to hope. but maybe he's been mistaken? there's a precedent beyond his control, regardless. )

I doubt Olivia would agree with that

( from what he understands, it hadn't been a bitter divorce, simply one where protecting herself and her son became a priority. )

[dimestore]

No I know but this would be easier if you were

[ being hated is easier than being pitied. at least he's more familiar with being hated. ]

She's not exactly a big fan of me anymore

[counterstep]

( john's mistake is assuming bucky gives pity when instead he offers understanding, acceptance. )

I disagree, but I know that won't change how you feel

and while she may not be a fan, there is still a reason why she stayed with you for so long
she saw something worthwhile, enough to bear a child with you
don't undermine her integrity by underselling what you have to offer
please
I think it's the least you can do for her, the way things have turned out

[dimestore]

[ and those things feel a lot like pity when you hate yourself as much as he does. ]

She has her reasons and they're good ones I'm not saying it to wallow or to disrespect her, it's just the truth
I fucked up with her and she's smart enough to know when something is lost

[counterstep]

and those things that happened still wouldn't change who you are fundamentally

[dimestore]

Not those no

[ but there are other ways he is horrible. he just failed spectacularly with his wife and learned all the ways he sucked already. :) ]

[counterstep]

do you like wallowing in misery?

[dimestore]

I'm just so good at it

[counterstep]

so then my words mean nothing

[dimestore]

I was trying to be funny
They do I just don't know how to accept them

[counterstep]

how's that any different?
you're still rejecting them

[dimestore]

They're nice things to say and I appreciate it
But it doesn't change anything, it doesn't make me a better person to hear it

[counterstep]

I'm not saying I have to be objectively right, but you must also realize you can't possible be objectively right either

all of this is coming from how you feel which makes it subjective as a basis

[dimestore]

Never said I was right and being told one thing but knowing myself is another
I can't believe myself into a better person
I can only help to mitigate the shit I've done by helping

[counterstep]

okay

sorry for badgering you about it
I'll get out of your hair

[dimestore]

You're just trying to help and I don't know if I can be helped
But I respect you, Bucky and what you say means something to me

[counterstep]

the only person who can change your mind is you
but if you don't know, how can you know otherwise if you don't at least try?

that's what I think anyway

[dimestore]

Don't even know where I'd start

[counterstep]

well
you can start by thinking you CAN be helped

and see how that shifts things around

[dimestore]

If I start will you get off my back?

[counterstep]

and here I thought you wanted me to take you from behind

[dimestore]

[ it is several long moments before john replies. ]

Now who's the pervert?

[counterstep]

hey, had to get back at you at some point
it's only fair 🙂